Needing approval more than advice

No matter what Gary did, it was never enough to please his father. When he got seven A's 

and three B's, his dad asked about the B's. When he described the wonderful girl he'd fallen 

in love with, he got a lecture cautioning that she may be different than he thought.

Gary's dad was stunned and hurt when Gary took a job in another town. He tried to talk 

him out of it, explaining the advantages of being close to the family and the pitfalls of 

moving.

Finally, Gary exploded, 'Dad, I'm moving to get away from you! I love you, but I can't stand 

the way you tear down everything I do.'

He braced himself for a counterattack, but for the first time in his life he saw his dad's mask 

of confidence dissolve into vulnerability.

With tears in his eyes, his dad stammered, 'All I ever wanted was to make you better and 

help you reach your potential and avoid risks. It's what I do. It's why my business is so 

successful. Do you want me to ignore my experience and just be a cheerleader?'

'Dad, our relationship isn't about productivity,' Gary explained.

'You're my dad. Sometimes I need praise more than a push and approval more than advice. 

Constantly trying to make me better just makes me feel worse. It's not enough that you 

love me. I need you to appreciate me.'

That's an important lesson. In personal relationships, there may be benefits to the relentless 

pursuit of better, but the cost may be too high.